Illuminaires Festival

The following two poems came from a time in 2007 when I was feeling particularly lonely and desperate:

Heartbeat

waiting
scales overbalance tip
too far
orange twilight
glowing
gone
still I wait
but not
doing being acting
in reserve champagne
on ice
ready
and waiting
events
alone
conversations
alone
with people
alone my existence
because I am waiting
solitude in journey
no
muffle the din
voice of an aria
one flat note
harmony calls
alone

Oh. My. God.

It’s true and it surprised me
When did it happen?
My half smile
No longer appealing or cute, it’s creepy
I’ve passed the point where it’s okay
Now I’m eccentric, special, odd,
Weird.
This is not okay with me
I didn’t choose it

Or did I?
Is this my lot now?
My choices, my lifestyle, put me here
No I don’t have to compromise
Nor will any change for me
Distracted, curious eyes
Mine or theirs.

It’s just weird. I’m just weird.
Moved confidently through independence and right into narcissistic isolation
Good God.
The truth is there.
Soon I’ll wear crass floral prints and corner strangers to tell my stories
Oh my God – I’ll be a crazy cat lady. Help me.
Before it’s too late!

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