Solidify

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I stare blankly
Blink hard
Sometimes feeling hardly at all
Days stretch out before me
Unknown in silence
Unknown in solitude

My timeline
My dreams
My future

When did I lose sight of me?

When will I find me?

I have been lost in my mind
My actions automatic
Unexamined
Piecemeal parts of my scattered whole

I am here
Softly

I am seen
Faintly

I am surfacing
Gently

I am believing
In me
When my vision clears
Strength glowing between the lines

Within and without aligned
On the sighs of angels

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Steps

Hope
The only place to start
To breathe
To feel
To heal

Trust
Slowly over time
Built from hugs and smiles
From truth
From touch

Comfort
No matter the cost
Shared and returned on end
Over time
Over place

Peace
Found and created
Tended in each quiet moment
Through pain
Through joy

Love
Nurtured and grown
Flawed by design
Mostly shown
Mostly felt
Always true
VernonSummer2010Bee

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Balance


I teeter desperately
Caught between love and pain
Trapped in an open mind

I would move forward
If only I knew which way that is
If the world had known dimensions
But it does not

Turning
Turning
I never see the same things twice

Except for you

A mirror of my panicked breath
A reflection of the past touching the future

Help me
I want to say
We both know that only I know how

I will reach out to others
To stand on my own

I carry beauty
Seen by your eyes only
Songs played for your ears
Heat from your touch
In clouds of cinnamon warmth

Yes the fuzzy edges dissolve
As I become whole.

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Broken

It would be easier
I think
To just be broken

When you break
You feel the damage
Know the chasm to be crossed
Assess if it can even be repaired

Or if it’s dead

Cracks are slower

Appearing subtly under pressure
Glaring loudly in half light
Hidden when you turn to the side
You don’t know where the reinforcements are needed
Fissures expanding
Weakening the whole
A once benign blow
Rattles a fragile core

Each tremble a threat
A force to be countered
By a now crippled heart

Waiting to be broken

So it can grow whole

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Salvation

In my mind so there’s no hope
No way out
Every passage is familiar
Navigated clumsily before and now again
Edges illuminated by new light that fades
Before I can focus
Shadows still in corners
Moving ever faster
Spiral away
Within
Close my eyes and the images stay
So blurry
Can’t clear the fog
To find my way out
Stuck
Mired
Sinking

Hope?
If I crack my skull open and let the light in
Darkness could lift
Life could start
Air and water feeding withered roots of ideas that keep dying down
I could see
Doubt no more

I could change
Bravely sure
Or even stay the same
Knowing what that means
Therein is the salvation I seek
To know
Me

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One Deep Breath

then one more
slow
deliberate
sure
simple

so unlike my life
these days
shallow
haphazard
confused

a paradox of motion
spinning in place

why doesn’t the story change

this ink never dries
blurs more
with each breath

traces across a cluttered page
repeat
echo
copy
overlapping
slapped down in haste

faster now
recycled thoughts
crafted into a new re-creation
sigh

hyperventilating

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Waking

Sun rise coming up
Slowly
Fog whispers “good morning”
Frozen wet lips
Migrational warmth
Met by incomplete light
Progress implied
In the separation of contours
Closer to view
Indistinct in the corners
Splashes of vision
Clearing
Emerging
Now blocked by a cloud
Now brighter in contrast
Imperceptible silence
Registers music of morning
A vista evolving
Revealing
Night only a memory
To confirm for the dawn
Truth of what it is, was, and will be
Whether naked or clothed

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Movement

Inching along
Movement pushed by paralysis
A twice frozen puddle of mud
Off beats of a jazz riff

A blur of motion
Behind closed eyes
Rosy pinks and purples
Bruising fragile skins

Rolling uphill
Perpetual motion embodied
Impossible strides
Angels dancing sideways

Pause
Stop
Breathe

Wind up the box
Peer in again
Old benchmarks silenced
A new landscape looks back

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Over and In

Up
Down
Surety
Doubt

A mind waiting to settle
Only to take flight from the favored bud
If not
Then back to the spiral
Crawling
Bent over backwards
My elbow hurts
Waving a flag
With colours inverted in the dark

Left
Right
Alone
Together

None the same
Nested square pegs in triangular holes
Holding weakly with superhuman strength
A solid idea
Still unformed
Glowing in the fading shadows
The blinders so hard to see

Above
Below
Open
Shut

Listening to the song
Familiar in novelty
A newness drowning in nostalgia

Contradictions hurt
As they heal

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Veiled


You can read my mind
Can you tell me what it is saying?

It’s clouded to me
Tassels, fog, mirrors, smoke, haze
Distorted thoughts enlarged
In Hi Definition
Obscured conveniently by glaring lights

Waking suddenly
Dreamscapes fleetingly within grasp
Dancing away
Darting left, darting right
Gone

I should be able to read my own mind
It is written in braille
Being interpreted with vision

Clarity leads to action
Denial so much harder
With the spotlight on

Look, is that a veil?

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